Spoilers:

He’s on the roof.

Carl fulfills his dream. Muntz dies.

Millions die.

Spock dies.

He’s a rapist.

Vin Diesel kills the bad guy, then goes to jail.

Everyone else dies.

Che dies.

It’s the book of Samuel (from the Bible).

The unicorn is evil.

She remembers.

The Octopus dies.

Actually, he is.

He gets her back. Everyone else dies.

The shark wins.

Clint Eastwood kills everyone.

You wish you would have died.

Will Smith dies.

He’s a vampire.

The computer-dog dies.

The James Bond franchise dies.

No they don’t.

Julien dies.

John McCain dies.

Punk dies.

Punk dies.

Punk dies.

Punk dies.

Heroin Bob dies.

Portland wins.

We were just kids, man, we didn’t know what we were doing.

It’s a fancy word for maze.

It’s autotuned. Also, it doesn’t matter.

The butler did it.

It stands for alien life form.

It’s magnets.

They’re dating.

It’s boring.

It dies.

One of the otters dies.

We all die.

The plants did it.

She lies.

It’s Japanese.

Matt Sharp dies.

The sun comes up.

That one wins.

The zombies undie.

Sarah Michelle Gellar is a bitch.

Great year!

He’s a vampire.

It’s not that thin.

They’re both assassins, neither of them die.

Will Smith is poor, then homeless, then rich.

Jack Nicholson dies. Leonardo DiCaprio dies. Matt Damon dies.

Mufasa dies.

They have AIDS.

Kurtz dies.

Kurtz dies.

Modernism dies.

The author dies.

Owen Meany dies.

Nobody understands it.

It’s a metaphor for society.

Nobody understands it.

Bill dies.

Bill doesn’t die.

It’s not really a ghost.

Aliens are Predators, Predators are Aliens. Everyone loses.

It’s the Predator that is killing everyone, not gangsters.

It’s the Predator that is killing everyone, not terrorists.

The “Alien” franchise dies.

Everyone you like is dead in the first five minutes.

The alien doesn’t die.

Everyone dies except for the alien, Ripley, and the cat.

Schindler thinks not enough Jews lived.

Frasier lives.

Jason lives.

They all go blind.

The computer dies.

The aliens die.

Justin Timberlake dies.

Ian Curtis dies.

Josh Brolin dies.

Both gangs die.

Howard Beale dies.

Gilda Radner dies. John Belushi dies. Phil Hartman dies. Chris Farley dies.

The monster dies.

The Great Eatlon successfully carries Story to the Blue World.

Bob Roberts dies.

Dignity dies.

They die.

She has the baby.

Robert Downey, Jr. dies.

Johnny Cash dies.

Freddy dies.

Tom Hanks dies.

Danny McBride dies.

Jimmy dies. Earl dies.

Speed Racer dies.

The Terminator dies.

John Connor dies.

Wallace dies. D’Angelo dies. Frank Sobotka dies. Stringer Bell dies. Prop Joe dies. Bodie dies. Omar Dies.

Jayne dies.

Vincent Gallo dies.

The Martians die.

It’s all a dream.

He finds the Martians.

Everyone except Val Kilmer dies. Also, he flips off the planet Mars at the end.

Robert DeNiro dies.

Doc Holliday dies.

Goose dies.

Hitler dies.

Jim Morrison dies.

Dr. Moreau dies.

You didn’t finish it.

JFK dies.

Holden Caulfield dies.

She’s a man.

Jaws the shark dies.

Her dad did it.

They are the same person.

Morpheus dies. Also, reality is a computer.

Captain Ahab dies.

The movie opens up with Calvin (Marlon Wayans) being released from prison. They open the door of the prison to reveal him to be a midget. His accomplice, wannabe rapper Percy (Tracy Morgan), picks up Calvin and tells him they need to get a diamond from a local jewelry store, which will pay each of [...]

America dies (with a whimper).

America dies.

America dies.

America dies.

Homer dies.

Bruce Lee dies.

Brandon Lee dies.

Someone dies, then they figure it out.

Someone dies, then they figure it out.

Someone dies, then they figure it out.

Someone dies, then they figure it out.

Someone dies, then they figure it out.

Someone dies, then they figure it out.

Someone dies, then they figure it out.

Someone dies, then they figure it out.

Someone dies, then they figure it out.

Richard Hatch gets naked, then he wins Survivor.

It’s Nigerians.

It’s Nigerians.

It’s Nigerians.

He tapes her.

The Spruce Goose flies.

Steve Jobs dies.

Howard Dean dies.

They (The Goonies) die.

Bugs dies.

Teddy dies. Also, it’s backwards.

Clive Owen looks good.

Shelley dies.

Jenny dies.

It’s Carrot Top.

She’s not a real nun.

Jesus dies (for your sins).

They kill Lisa McPherson.

Tom Cruise converts to Scientology.

Lucas Black goes to Tokyo.

He’s an elf.

They all die.

Bambi’s Mom dies.

Ray Liotta dies.

Books died.

Huck Finn dies.

He devolves, then evolves back.

The robot is the cop that died.

Johnny 5 is alive.

He dies.

He dies.

He dies.

Bill Mahar hates God.

It’s people.

It’s people.

The Indians die.

The Grandpa dies.

Greg Kinnear is dead.

Greg Kinnear is dead.

The cop is bad.

The computer is doing it.

Samus is a woman.

Norman Bates is the killer.

Peggy’s pregnant.

John is an alien robot.

Bruce Willis is dead.

He’s a polygamist.

They all die.

He likes sex.

Bill Gates leaves.

It’s his sled.

The kids die of dysentery.

John Francis “Jack“ Donaghy dies.

Christian wins.

Andre dies.

Dexter is a killer.

Darth Vader dies.

Kevin Spacey is Keyser Söze.

Greg Kinnear is dead.